Alright, so I'm older than Prince William... quite a bit older. And I'm already married... and I'm not a perfect size 4 with gorgeous hair, a sweet smile and a sassy British accent. I mean, I do have some British blood, but as a first-generation American born to a British mum and a farmer from the mid-west, I'm a bit of a half breed.... but besides all that, I think I've figured out the REAL reason Prince William chose Kate Middleton over me.
To be British royalty, you have to know how to make REAL tea. Although, I make mine pretty much like my grandmother taught me, I am guilty of a few minor infractions after the water boils.
- Bended Rule #1: You're supposed to warm up the pot before you pour in the boiling water. I have two babies.. who has time or patience for this step?
- Bended Rule #2: A proper cup of tea is made with English Breakfast Tea... ummm.. yeah right. I buy the Great Value Brand tea bags (Lipton equivalent) at Walmart. Two bucks for a box of 100 tea bags. At 3 bags per pot (or 2 "cups" of tea), I can make 66+ pints of tea for $2. That's frugal, my friend!
- Bended Rule #3: My tea cup. It's actually more of a tea pint. There's nothing dainty about it, and it doesn't come with a saucer. I heart my tea mug!
But really, William, there are a few rules I never, and I do mean NEVER, break, I promise.
- Strict Rule #1: Boil water to 212 degrees Farenheit. I never remove the kettle before it whistles.
- Strict Rule #2: Don't let the tea get wet from the residual water in the tea pot. Let the boiling water touch it first. Unless my dear sweet husband is making the tea, this is an easy step.
- Strict Rule #3: Let the tea steep in the pot with a tea cozy over it. This keeps it warm long enough to guzzle the first pint and still be enjoyably warm for a second one. If you take the tea bags out after about 5 minutes, you don't even have to guzzle because it will stay warm without getting to bitter.
- Strict Rule #4: Use skim milk and sugar. Never cream or whole milk, and certainly not brown sugar or honey ~ while it might be tasty, it is very American, and I'm only a half breed, remember?!
Surely a prince could overlook a minor tea faux pas here and there, besides, Kate came from a rich family ~ does she really know how make tea? I'm starting to think it's not about the tea after all. I mean, this princess wouldn't be caught dead at a polo match, or in a fancy hat with a feather on it, or high heels... hummm, maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Oh, well.
Besides... who wants a prince when you already have a valiant knight in shining armour?! It's Plain & Simple As That